Q I have a dilemma. I have been dating a nice lady for several years. We met in grad school and she is very nice. She is a good cook, has a friendly personality and is very supportive. She tolerates my very busy schedule, which is something that many professional women don't understand. The only problem is that she is a complete drain on me financially. I am not talking about the basic cost of dating; I am talking giving her thousands of dollars to pay her bills each month. She asks for money for her mortgage, electric bills, car note, attorney fees, private school tuition for her children, etc. The list is just too embarrassing to continue. The final straw was this month when I went into my savings for nearly $10,000 to bail her out of some pending financial problems. I know for a fact that I won't be seeing the money again. I am at the end of my rope. I am tired of paying her bills. What should I do?

A Since there are few Black Donald Trumps or Rockefellers, you might want to ask her what she's bringing to the table. Obviously, she isn't seeking an emotional relationship. She is seeking a bank. Psychologist Julia Hare, Ph.D., says it sounds like she has a spending addiction, and she doesn't understand financial management. "You are not helping her by continuing to give her money," Dr. Hare advises. "You are enabling her to continue to be dependent on you. You can help her by stop giving her money and taking her to counseling to figure out how she can get control of her financial situation. If she doesn't want to get help, then you need to say goodbye. Otherwise, you will continue to be her sugar daddy."

Q I am a 43-year-old divorced parent of four children, and I'm seeking advice on how to prepare my 14-year-old daughter for life. Her father and I were married for 23 years before we finally divorced this year. For the last four and a half years, the children have lived with their dad. I relocated to another area and they moved in with me about a year ago. The other children have adjusted to the move, but my 14-year-old daughter is having difficulty. She is rebellious and tries hard to fit in with her friends by wearing tight clothing and short skirts and sometimes making unwise decisions. I am considering sending her to a finishing school. She tries to imitate her older sister, who is 19. I'm afraid for her. Can you suggest a mentoring program? I'm just at the end of my rope.

A Hold on because help is available for you and other parents with such problems. First, you should know that frequently children feel that they are responsible for the breakup of divorced parents. Your daughter may perceive not living with her father any longer as rejection or abandonment by him. This could be part of what is motivating your daughter's behavior. If she feels that her father has abandoned her, she may perceive that she isn't attractive enough (thus the tight clothing); and she is trying to fit in with the girls that she feels comprise the "in" group. She figures this will enhance her status, according to Joyce Hamilton Berry, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with offices in Washington, D.C., and Columbia, Md. Dr. Berry recommends that you set up counseling for your daughter that would include you. You need to find out what is motivating the problem. In terms of mentoring, if you are thinking about getting her into a program such as Big Sisters, consider that therapy would probably be more valuable. Find out what's at the root of her behavior before coming up with a remedy. Sending her to finishing school may seem to her like another form of rejection.