If there's a craving for pickle juice by high school athletes in the school cafeterias across Wisconsin, we will now know why.

The statewide publication of the Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association, which governs high school sports, recently devoted a quarter-page column by sports dietitian Jane Foos to the merits of preventing muscle cramps by drinking pickle juice.

But it's no magic potion, she wrote. "While giving a sidelined player a shot of pickle juice may or may not relieve a muscle cramp, that player is still out of competition."

As an assistant principal in Deming, Wash., Jeff Pietila was confronted by a group of 20 outraged 7th-grade boys one day. Why, they demanded, if the girls had vending machines in their restrooms couldn't they have the same in theirs?

Presumably the boys thought the girls had access to candy, gum or soda pop. Little did they understand that the girls' machines were actually for feminine hygiene supplies.

It's Nostalgic for Some

Sylvia Lowe, the secretary to Superintendent William Dean in Frederick County, Va., was standing in the ordering line in a Subway sandwich shop when she overheard two high school students discussing what they planned to wear to school on "Back to the '80s Day."

The conversation jolted Lowe to the realization of her advancing years, though she's only in her 50s. "What is it about the '80s that they deserve their own day? I'm still wearing clothes from the '80s!" she exclaimed.

Time Better Spent

Whenever the first sign of snow is in the air, Rebecca Perry always can count on a flurry of beckoning requests to close the schools from students via e-mail.

Perry, superintendent in Alexandria, Va., finds many of the comments amusing, and occasionally she opts to respond as she did after receiving this e-mail message: "Suggestion: CLOSE SCHOOL FRIDAY, we are sick of being the only school open on snow days, st stephens is allready off and i'm not surprized if more are, please dear god just close school."

Perry's reply: "I am not God, you are going to school, and your spelling seems to indicate that you need to stay a little bit longer."

(Source: The Washington Post)

A Costly Game of Hooky

Parental collusion on student absenteeism has become such a festering sore in Great Britain that the government recently proposed legislation granting school principals the right to levy fines.

Parents of chronically missing students could be subject to fines of up to 2,500 pounds, or $3,900 at the current exchange rate.

The national government estimates that 50,000 students skip school each day without parental permission.

A Unique Reply

When: Parent-teacher conference day, a month or so into the school year.

Where: Dolphin Senior Public School in Mississauga, Ontario

The Players: A veteran science teacher and two parents with their son

Action: The teacher, fatigued after a long day of meetings throughout the afternoon and evening, welcomes the parents of a particularly lazy student into his classroom. "Why is my son doing so poorly?" one parent demands at the outset.

"It's the pissing mieces of work!" the teacher answers in true spoonerism style.

The parents and their son, stunned by what they've heard, don't bat an eye, pause briefly and continue on with their interview as if the faux pas never was uttered.

(Submitted by Rod Murray, Dolphin Senior Public School)

May All His Days Be Fabulous

"We get to line up to go to the bathroom and wash our hands and take naps. We get to learn the calendar and how to write our names. I want homework, lots of homework. Hard homework. I want to learn everything." -- A kindergarten student at Concord Elementary School in Paducah, Ky., sizing up his first day of school.